In your box:
–Eggplant or summer squash or cucumber
Breaking news this week from Fox and Fawn Farm….
For the fourth week, the most violent outbreak on record of Tomato-bola virus continues to ravage the countryside west of Minneapolis.
The history of tomato-bola has been traced back to an excessive consumption of tomatoes in the human diet. While tomato over-consumption is common every year around this time, the sheer magnitude of the ordeal has overwhelmed grassroots organizations and international aid agencies. The plague has hit the humanitarian group Doctors Without Collards especially hard, with member doctors unable to stomach the sight of red and orange ripe fruit.
“The problem comes down to too much of a good thing,” reports the Dr. Thomas Friedendive, president of the Center for Disease Control. “With hundreds of pounds of ripe tomatoes pouring in from farmers’ fields every week, there’s simply no place for them all to go.” Dr. Friedendive then took a tomato from a box next to his microphone and ate it, looking on in horror at the size and scope of the box of tomatoes in front of him. Unconfirmed reports suggest that two more tomatoes magically appeared in its place.
Mature tomatoes are being forced into boxes. Cars passing by Fox and Fawn Farm report returning home and finding their trunks full of tomatoes, even without stopping at the farm. Local gas stations have switched to pumping cars full of tomato juice. Area swimming pools have stopped filling pools with water, opting instead for the unique experience of tomato juice swimming.
And still the harvest comes in unabated. With no other outlets, tomatoes are being hoisted upon the public at large.
“Forcing tomatoes on the American public is a violation of the vision of our founding fathers,” said Texas governor Rick Berry. “George Washington cut down the cherry tree accidentally—he was aiming for a tomato plant so that the liberals in Congress couldn’t make our children eat them.”
The afflicted tell tales of open sores oozing tomato juice. Many report loss of taste, with everything tasting just like a glass of V8. Others report feeling excessively proactive, as the natural mellowing agents of tomato force them to be much happier and more alert than they would like to be.
“At this point, time is on our side,” said Dr. Thomas Friedendive. “Certainly many more will come down with Tomato-bola. Many more teeth will be stuffed with tomato seeds. But the first frost will finally cure us of the plague of tomatoes that has touched so many lives. Until then, I recommend a nice squirt of ketchup on your tomato.”
Don’t forget: Our annual year-end potluck and farm festival is coming up on Saturday, September 27th from 4pm until dark. We’d love to have you out to the farm for a celebration of the season, yard games, farm tours, and a potluck. Non-members and dogs are welcome, tomatoes are not.