• Basil, purple cinnamon
  • Beets
  • Cucumbers
  • Hot pepper
  • Kale
  • Potatoes, Nicola
  • Red onion
  • Summer squash or kohlrabi
  • Sweet onion
  • Sweet pepper
  • Tomatoes

Hollywood Twp: As concerns mount regarding a possible early plateau of tomato production, Federle Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke addressed a crowd of CSA members earlier this week. Also present were President Broccoli Obama and former Fed Chairman Alan Salad-Greenspan.

“There can be no doubt that we are made uneasy by the early recession of our tomato crop. This is certainly no time for alarm, however.” Bernanke went on to mention the cool weather, incessant rain, and pervasive downy mildew as likely culprits in the decline of the tomato crop.

Nearly a month into tomato season, total production has increased from 12 pounds at first harvest to a seasonal high of 90 pounds on August 30th. Later that same week, however, Farmer Red noted a descent to 80 pounds for the Friday harvest. This is still at a level equal to two weeks ago, but the decline of the tomato market is not easily overcome.

“At this point, our best hope is for a double-dip recession,” Bernanke added. In this rare situation, the decline of tomatoes is reversed by a warm Indian Summer before ending altogether with the first frost. Bernanke turned aside optimism that the tomato crop could be buffeted by the influx of Tomatillos. “The Tomatillo Bubble has been greatly exaggerated. We can no more count on this market than we can count on Farmer Red’s ability to grow spring broccoli.”

Only the coming weeks will demonstrate whether the tomato crop can sustain the CSA members in full until the frost destroys the market completely. “We are not focusing on the scenario of a Black Tuesday, or Black Thursday, or whatever day of the week brings that killing frost,” Bernanke said. “We believe in the American CSA member, and in our patriotic ability to eat whatever tomatoes come our way.” Critics note that Bernanke made no mention of Farmer Red’s birthday on September 7th. 

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