In your box:
- Kale, Red Russian
- Red Onion
- Summer Squash
- Sweet Pepper
This week brought exciting news from the highest court in the land, as the Supreme Court handed down a 7-2 decision that yes, you do have to eat your broccoli. The decision comes as a sharp rebuke to the GOP (Get Off-a-my Plate), who had rallied against the landmark law signed by President Broccoli Obama some weeks ago. The law, which says that naughty children (and adults, in some cases), can and should be fined heavily for not eating their broccoli. Possible consequences addressed in the bill include being sent to one’s room, no dessert, and suspension of television privileges.
“What we see here is the nanny state in its most offensive degree,” stated Justice Antonin Scallions in his dissent. “What right has this government to tell the American people to eat their broccoli? Once this court has taken this step, there is no holding back the legislature in forcing consumption of peas, endive, and those funky looking balls with the leaves on top [kohlrabi].”
“This is not a discussion on kohlrabi,” noted Justice Ruta Baga Ginsburg. “Kohlrabi, like endive, is a terrorist threat to our nation. But broccoli is as American as bok choy pie or a hot fudge sundae with tomatillos on top. We are simply asserting the right of the American government to ask a certain amount of healthy eating of its people. Broccoli seems like a good enough place to start.”
The so-called “Eat your broccoli” law came into effect following the flooding that killed off one Minnesota farmer’s broccoli in the spring of this year. In order to make sure that the fall crop would be appreciated, the farmer helped write legislation to enact strict penalties for the non-consumption of future broccoli.
The charge to overthrow this law was led by Virginia Republican Eric Cantor-loupe, the House Majority Leader. “I’m not saying we shouldn’t eat broccoli,” he said in a speech afterwards. “I’m simply arguing that this law steps all over the Constitution in forcing the consumption of one particular good. If they want to assess a tax penalty on non-broccoli eaters, that’s fine. But no government has the right to send grown adults to their rooms for not eating one particular vegetable.”
“This is America,” contributed Justice Stevia Breyer. “We can make librarians pass on book rental records. We might as well make everybody eat broccoli. I think it tastes good.”
“I don’t like it,” wrote Justice Clarence Tomato in dissent. “Sometimes it has worms.”
Fearing a counterbalancing trend, New York mayor Michael Bloomberg has banned packages of squeezeable cheese and ranch dressing in quantities greater than 16 oz. per head of broccoli.
In actual news of our actual farm, this week we bid farewell to Beans after a magnificent season. Beans are quite time-consuming to harvest, and we need to free up some time to weed the salad mixes and greens of the fall. By this time, hopefully you’re as stuffed with beans as we are. After harvesting several hundred pounds of them, Jeremy and I are not too sad to be leaving them behind. If you still haven’t gotten your fill, you’re welcome to come out to the farm to pick and take as much as you like. Please let us know soon if you’re interested, so that we don’t plow them all under.
And don’t forget our fall Harvest Festival & Potluck, coming up soon on Saturday, September 29th. Join us from 4pm to dark for games, farm tours, and good company, with a potluck at 6pm. We’ve had great turnout at this event in the past, and we hope to see everyone there!
2 thoughts on “Week 13 Newsletter”
Wasn’t this legislation suggested by first lady Michelle Okra?
Thanks for this, Red—a stellar newsletter! And a Happy Birthday as well. Wish we could be there to celebrate on the actual day, but hoping to make it up to you asap…